Good Table Manners for Kids: Setting the Table

Okay, I confess: when Steve and I have dinner, often we eat at the kitchen counter, heads buried in our iPads. But that’s not how we raised our children. And when our grandkids come for our weekly Friday Night Dinners, we model good table manners for kids.

One way to teach good table manners is to have respect for the table. So, beginning when Miss T was three, I taught her how to set the table. At that age, it’s still a game.

How She did It

To help her remember the positions for the knife, fork, napkin and water glass, I drew her a little diagram. But then the independent Miss drew her own diagram.

On tiptoes because she couldn’t quite reach deep into the table, she would arrange everything following her schematic.

Place Cards as an Incentive

We made place cards from card stock; if she sets the table, she is allowed to determine where everyone sits for that particular dinner. She likes the power this role brings.

However, being in charge of seating carries with it some responsibilities. She has to think about who would be best sitting where. For example, her little brother, still in his high chair, should be seated by mommy or daddy for support. Rather than grouping her family together, she should mix it up so grandma and grandpa are integrated, so we can all participate in the dinnertime conversation.

What Children Learn from this Activity

• How to follow a “map”
• Precision and placement of objects following a plan
• Responsibility for part of the dinnertime experience
• Relationships of people in a social setting, as she determined who would sit most companionably with whom
• Respect for the table and the act of dining, which results in good table manners for kids

These days, at six years old, setting the table is now more of a chore than a game for Miss T. And since I haven’t been picking her up on Fridays for the past two years, I have the table set by the time she arrives with her family.

But she has kept her schematic in my napkin drawer and if called upon to set the table for grandma, she will double check the diagram made by her three-year-old self to ensure that she has done her job correctly.

And she’ll take out the place cards to arrange the seating to her liking. That’s the perk for setting the table, and that’s her power.

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