Papa est Fatigué: it’s a Podcast for Dads, by Dads
As we approach Father’s Day, here’s an entertaining and insightful weekly podcast for dads, by dads called, “Papa est Fatigué” (French for “daddy is tired”). Two dads who are totally immersed in hands-on parenting share tips, thoughts, and tactics for dealing with life’s daily parenting challenges.
My son Dave and his podcast partner Jim are its co-hosts. They each have an eight-year-old daughter with a sibling three years younger, a girl for Jim and a boy for Dave.
Because of their wives’ schedules, Dave and Jim are often the primary caregivers at night, cooking, cleaning, and putting kids to bed. Both dads are also busy in the workplace, juggling their own careers.
Recently, Dave had a revelation: “It’s taken me 19 episodes of the podcast to realize that what we strive for as dads is intentional fatherhood—it’s not just being swept along with whatever happens. There is something very powerful about being an intentional father.
“…what we strive for as dads is intentional fatherhood–it’s not just being swept along with whatever happens.”
“Certainly, there are things we stumble into. But most everything we do is thought through. We don’t parent in a certain way because it’s the easiest, or because everyone’s doing it. Instead, we do what we think is right for our child,” he mused.
I interviewed Dave over the weekend about his podcast for dads, by dads. It’s a great listen for moms and grandparents, too!
What is Papa est Fatigué about?
The podcast reflects everyday dad conversations. What we’re trying to do is give a peek behind banal father exchanges–the kind that I might have with Jim if I run into him at a playdate or at after-school pickup.
We usually start the podcast grounded in data and expertise from outside sources. We discuss what experts are saying about people like us, then share our personal point of view and how we deal with that particular issue.
Our podcast provides insights into what 21st century fatherhood looks like–how to be a partner in raising a child.
What is your Biggest Insight about Parenting?
What I recognize now is that parenting is a constant series of learning something, getting good at it, then having to solve another problem. The kid comes home with a new problem that you don’t know how to solve, and you’re back to square one.
“…parenting is a constant series of learning something, getting good at it, then having to solve another problem. The child you knew disappears as they grow; they become a new person.”
The child that you knew disappears as they grow; they become a new person. Three days ago, I didn’t think my five-year old could read. But it turns out, he can. You have to learn to understand this new person.
You get into a groove, you’ve got fatherhood down, and something changes. First grade was a transition; I got it figured out, but then there were new changes and I’m struggling to address new issues. This is what our conversations at Papa est Fatigué are about–discussing these challenges and how to handle them.
For more dad wisdom from my son Dave, check out his 12 great tips for vacationing with kids.
School often is the catalyst for change. Sometimes it’s not just about your child. You may be dealing with other parents in sticky situations.
Why do a Podcast?
There aren’t a ton of fatherhood resources for dads, as there are for moms. We had knowledge from our own experiences that we thought would be useful to share with other dads as we go through the process of parenting. At end of the day, parenting is about constant learning.
Dads are not likely to have a support group or a sounding board to see how other dads are doing things, except maybe on a platform like Reddit. Our podcast is a version of a dad subreddit, but better, because you get 40 minutes on a single subject and it’s easier to consume the information.
I read an article the other day asking why parents-to-be aren’t told the truth about the downsides of parenting, so they can be better prepared.
“At the end of the day, parenting is about constant learning.”
You have to take the good with the bad. Parenting is not all sunshine and lollipops. It’s challenging, especially for men because dads are not used to asking for help.
For one thing, no one told us that you have to wake a newborn every two to three hours the first two weeks so they can suckle and regain their birth weight as soon as possible. I’m still annoyed that the first time we learned this was in the hospital after the baby was born; not at our birthing class or from the OB.
For our first child, I’d wake up for each feeding, change her diaper if needed, and hand the baby off for breastfeeding. Fortunately my super power is being able to go back to sleep right away, but it was an exhausting drill for a new mom and dad.
How Do you Choose Podcast Topics?
It’s a combination of ideas. Some topics are things I would ask Jim about at school pickup–things I’m curious about in how he parents. Then there are the reaction podcasts to studies or articles in the news, such as what’s going on with COVID, masking guidelines; travel. The last group of topics are things we wish somebody had told us—advice for new parents. How we handled sleep schedules with a newborn or why we chose to give our kids a bilingual education, for example.
Papa est Fatigué, the podcast for dads by dads, is available through the Papa est Fatigué website or on any podcast player.
Why a French Title for your Podcast?
One day, Jim overheard me telling my kids (whose second language is French), “Papa est fatigué.” And he thought that was funny. So, he used the phrase as a tag line for a line of merchandise. People will nod in empathy or smile when you wear something from the Papa est Fatigué club store. They get it that daddy is tired. The brand’s clever logo is a nearly-drained battery.
It made sense to use that tag line when we started the podcast.
What are your Joys and Challenges?
The best part is, I like having little people. It’s fun to see them grow up. People ask, what’s the best age? To me, every age is the best age. Certainly, there are cuter times–when toddlers are just learning to walk, for instance. But at five, I can have a conversation with my child. There’s something special and new about every age. That’s what’s interesting and fun about being a parent. I just like being a dad.
What’s challenging is finding time for yourself. The whole self-care thing. That’s tough because you need to recharge. The danger is, when I actually make time for myself because it’s necessary, but feel guilty to have taken the time.
If you stick the kids in front of the TV for an hour, watching Netflix because you need a break, it’s okay. On the other hand, if you’re doing this two hours a day, every day, you need to rethink that. I effectively have five work-related jobs. Plus I cook, clean, and read to the kids.
Still, these are formative years. You want to spend the time with them because you can, and you should. You’re going to form them into humans.
How can Grandparents Help?
What do you want your grandchild to remember about you when they get older? They’ll remember if you were an engaged grandparent.
Having the kids over to your house and sitting them in front of the TV is no different from being at home. It’s not likely to elicit fond memories when the kids are grown. Working with the grandkids on arts and crafts, baking, making dinner together for the family–those are the things the child will remember.
Of course, everyone’s family situation is different.
How to Listen to the Podcast
Papa est Fatigué, the podcast for dads by dads, is available through the Papa est Fatigué website or through any podcast player, where you can subscribe to keep on top of each new episode.
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